I’m not a baby machine

The older I get the more questions I get about when I’ll get married and have kids. It surprises me that in today’s world there is still this expectation that people will get married, move into a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 kids.

The world just doesn’t happen that way anymore. For me, I don’t intend to get married or have kids. The idea of pregnancy and kids scares me quite a lot. I don’t understand how a ‘natural’ process for a woman can have so many side effects and consequences. We’ve (as people) been around so long now, why haven’t we adapted and evolved where babies are concerned? Why are our babies so large in comparison to say, a tigers?

The more and more I hear about pregnancy the more it repulses me. Morning sickness, hot flushes, nausea, stretch marks, cracked nipples, leaking nipples, etc. etc. The older I get the more exposed I am to pregnancy the more I hear about new, disgusting side effects of it. The words mucus plug makes me shudder.

And all of that for what? 18+ years of dependency. I think I am far to selfish for it all. I don’t want to have to think of someone else every waking hour. I just want to worry about me.

I think number one thing that frustrates me most about the apparent requirement that I have kids is that people who can’t have kids don’t understand. I am meant to show sympathy towards them and yet, if I were pregnant, I would be shunned for not being happy about it rather than it being acknowledged as pretty much my biggest fear.

What is your stance on babies and marriage? How does pregnancy make you feel?

8 comments

  1. Vera says:

    I’d like to have one, preferably before I reach 30… and I’d like to be married to when that happens. No thanks to the white-fenced house, I much prefer living in an apartment. On the other hand it annoys me whenever I get asked when I’m getting married, why am I not married etc etc.
    Perhaps I am more of a romantic dreamer than you, but I like the idea of kids and marriage. Guess it’s because my parents have been married for nearly 30 years, and still getting along. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Jana says:

    I am a typical female, I want 2.5 kids (Lol, .5? What?) I want marriage, etc. The only thing I don’t want, is a white picket fence!

    I think right now I am not interested in kids, I’ve just realized that I want to go to Uni, (I’m 19..), and I like not having to think about anyone else when I budget with my pay.

    Idealy, if the world was perfect, I wouldn’t have to go to Uni, and I would marry a rich farmer, at the age of 20~, who already has his own farm, we would have 3 kids, and be financially stable for the rest of our lives. But the world isn’t perfect, and I have become more sensible then I was a few years ago!

    I can’t believe that when I was 16~ I was the type of teenager who really wanted a kid NOW. I am so glad I didn’t get pregnant!

  3. Amanda says:

    I would like to have three children – at least one before I’m 30. And if I don’t have one before the age of 33 (e.g. don’t have suitable father prospects), I’m not adverse to adopting or trying other methods to become a single mother.

  4. tristian says:

    *scrunches her nose* … sorry previous poster, but the words “typical female” placed together bother me. everyone, and that includes the eighty million trillion gazzillion people on the planet, male, female, trans, bi, gay, purple with pink polkadots… EVERYONE has intrinsic needs and wants. some people are made for child rearing, some are not. some want long term partnerships, some do not. some people want six dogs, eight birds, a pool and no contact with any family members what so ever, some do not. i think typical is crap. there is no typical. i think everyone has their own thing. it may be typical to your family, your society, what you were raised to believe necessary or ideal, but beyond that.. eh.

    sorry. rant over. =/ sorry chick i don’t know lol. no offence. i’m barely awake and i rant and ramble.

    personally, i’m with you S. the whole pregnancy/giving birth thing is just.. disgusting. seriously. just yuck. sticky and slimy and the worst pain on the planet? no thanks. noooo.. thanks. lol. i have no maternal instinct at all, however i do have a practicality instinct. i know the world is in trouble, i read stories and see information about how many children are abandoned or orphaned and i think “if at any point in my life, i am settled enough, have enough money and enough of myself to give, i would adopt” .. and i would. i would also foster. given my situation allowed,but i know myself. i have no draw to be a mother, nor a wife.. though marriage is like “whatever” to me. if i ever find a partner interested in getting married, i would think further on the subject. i’m very indifferent to it though.

    and i’ll shut up. S! ๐Ÿ™‚ hope you’re well. (sorry o.O)

  5. Stephanie says:

    To me, if you put this all in economic theory, the morning sickness and pains are the price of having kids. If you want kids enough, then there’s still a net benefit to having kids despite the price. So to many people on this planet, the price is okay.

    As for myself, I’m still very young, so it’s not time to get married and have kids yet. And frankly, if I had kids now, I think that I’d be a horrible mother because I’d be far too harsh on them. But when the time is right, yea, I’ll have a couple, just like my mother before me. And if medical reasons prevent that, then I’d think about adopting. (Even though that would make my parents very very sad.)

  6. Kendra says:

    Ahaha, as a pregnant woman, I feel you. I always wanted to be a mom but nobody can actually explain in words how ridiculously difficult the entire process is. Also, nobody can explain how much you have to sacrifice, even before you actually have the baby! It literally changes everything.

    I guess you just have to want it. I always wanted to be a mom, and I always knew it. I want to finish my degree of course but as much as that sounds great (having the career I want) I think I’ll enjoy having another person to live for. Someone to take care of, love you unconditionally, etc. Like I said, it has to be something you want. Some people have kids who never really wanted them and that’s just not fair to anyone.

    You may never end up wanting kids, not everyone does. And you don’t have to, either. There are tons and tons of people who never have kids, but, the media doesn’t publicize that as much. Pregnancy sucks, though. Having a baby is a beautiful thing but the process is just God awful. I’m a drama queen, though, and I complain about everything. None the less, the word mucus plug has become a vital part of my vocabulary. Along with pediatrician and fetal movement. I feel like I say these words every day now. >.<

    I think once you become a mom, when you actually get pregnant, something changes inside of you. You actually end up wanting to not be selfish. You want to sacrifice things you love because it's for your baby. It's not actually as difficult to do that because in your mind your priorities change. Before I was pregnant my fiance talked all the time about how great a baby would be but I always said no, no, no. Of course, he got his way anyway lol. But now that it's actually going to happen I think he's shitting his pants in nervousness. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Clarisse says:

    It’s not like I ever wanted not to get married. I always wanted to get married. It’s not like I’m the kind of person who would imagine her dream wedding and fantasize on every single aspect of her married life. In fact, I don’t think about it at all. I’ve just always knew that I wanted to have a family.

    The idea of getting pregnant, however, used to scare me quite a lot. I guess that’s normal though. But after my little brother was born, I got a bit of the taste of what having my own family would feel like. He’s 10 years younger than me, you see, so, sometimes, it feels like he’s my own kid. Because of him, I’m not afraid anymore. I know it’s something I want, and I know it’s going to be worth everything I’m going to have to go through during pregnancy.

    I’m just 15, so I’m not going to go thinking about my future in detail, but I’m just glad I already know what I want out of life. I want to be happy. I want to have a family. I want to make them happy.

    I don’t think getting married or having kids is important. What’s really important is knowing what you want and focusing on that. I just mean, if you know you don’t want to have kids, then don’t have kids. If you want to have kids, then you have to be prepared to be a mother. Either way, it would be unfair to the children if you never really wanted to have them or weren’t prepared for it.

  8. Deanna says:

    I look forward to having kids. I’ve always loved kids and wanted to have one of my own for a long time. Since I started teaching, I haven’t wanted one as badly lol. But I still want to have at least one in the future when I finally have money. I think being pregnant would be fun. You get to feel a little human being inside of you pushing on your belly. I think that would be such an interesting feeling. I tend to not think about the bad parts of being pregnant. Besides, I hear that once you have the baby it makes up for all the pain you had to go through to get there.

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